UNDER CONSTRUCTION :)

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

you've fooled me.

I'm kind of one of those people who thinks of people as being generally good until they've proven otherwise to me.  Kind of like the innocent until proven guilty sort of thing.  I guess you could say I'm usually a pretty trusting person.  I usually think the best of people... which is why it throws me off so bad when people prove me wrong. Especially if it is a friend of mine, someone I've thought highly of and even maybe looked up to.  It brings about a confusion of a few different emotions and feelings when someone shows that they are a different person once you really get to know them.  I struggle in how I feel about that person afterwards.  I feel anger, confusion, disappointment and sadness.  Sometimes I feel stupid for overlooking the way a person really is and I feel anger towards them because they have deceived me in a way.  But at the same time, I feel sad that they do, think or act in certain ways and I feel bad that I feel so negatively towards them.  I sometimes find myself wishing to go back to the time before I knew the truth.  Sometimes living in ignorance of things sounds better than knowing the truth.  Because the truth of it is, that I never quite view that person the same.  Ever again.  Obviously people are going to be a little different once we really get to know them.  Quirks and habits show themselves and sometimes we discover that our friend has a temper or something.  But it's really sad when a person is a completely different person in public than what they are behind everyone's backs.  Being a super friendly and caring person in one light and then being a very rude and un-understanding (is that even a word?)  person in another is not cool.  At all.  It's deceitful and wrong.  It's with these people that I wish I could just turn back the clocks and go back to thinking that the mask they wear is the truth;  that the friendly, understanding person is the one that I know.

I don't know if any of that made sense... I'm just disappointed that they aren't who I thought they were...

2 comments:

Meredith said...

oh lordee, we are the same person.
i have gone through the same thing recently...
like someone who treats you like a princess when your alone, then avoids you around others...
and then you still want to believe they are good at heart...

anyway, the way our lives are parallel is amazing.

kitkat said...

aww someone obviously hurt u. sowi! and hope u feel better soon :)