Monday, January 24, 2011

negativity took over

[WARNING: this post contains self pity, complaining, and a little bit of venting.]


My previous post is an explanation as to why my blog posts have been scarce.  A little less than 24 hours later I declare my writers block cured.  There are a few things I would like to take the time to ramble about for a second.  I probably sound like a whiny little child.  I'm sorry.  You've caught me in a moment of weakness.  Don't judge me.

Sometimes i miss the way things used to be.  A lot.  I miss old friends and I miss old places.  I miss some of my old friends so bad it hurts sometimes.  It's been a while since I've done something really social.  There have been the occasional small hang outs, but nothing more than a quick lunch and a little catch up time.  I guess what I'm saying is I miss college life.

My life is really extremely boring these days.  Hours at work have been a little hard to come by so I've had a LOT of extra time on my hands.  At first this thought sounded amazing.  Finally, some time where I have no homework and all the time I could ever want to do things I want to do and not things I have to do.  But, I've come to realize that I can only entertain myself for so long.  It's kind of lonely not having friends around.  OK, that is a partial lie.  I have two friends here.  It's my own darn fault that I don't get together with them very often. End of complaint.  I bring it upon myself.

Some people have the ability to bring the absolute worst out of me.  It's those people who walk around like they are all high and mighty.  Those people who let power go to their heads and think that they can control everything anybody does.   It is those people who bring out my stubbornness and desires to spite people.  I just want to do everything that they possibly hate just because they are bugging me.  This paragraph may or may not be about a specific person.  This person may or may not be somebody who holds a position in the company I work for that is above my own.  This means I probably should show that person some respect; and I will.  To his face...

There are times in my life that I wish so badly that I could help my friends and loved ones who may be struggling.  I am overcome by a strong desire to fix their problems for them.  I fear for them and experience deep sorrow when they are lost.  Sometimes my fear is so extreme that I come across a little strong.  It's only because I care...

I do believe I've taken zero photographs in the last couple of weeks.  This is sad my friends.  What happened to my goal of improving my photography this year?  Oh ya, it went down the drain with the rest of my motivation.

Oh and a little note to the boys who sat revving their engine next to me at the red light last night.  You really aren't as cool as you think.


Regina said...

So sorry you're stuggling! Sending hugs! Things are bound to get better! Don't let how others act determine how you feel about yourself. I miss your photos, so get snapping! j/k! Love you!

Jessica Kay said...

Sad day!!! Call me next time you feel this depressed and we'll get together and watch a movie or just talk. It doesn't have to be a short lunch we can actually go and do something together if you want. You work Thursday night?? I need to go to a concert and would love for you to come, if not this thursday than next???
Honestly...I feel the same way you do, although I miss High School, since I haven't had the experiences you have had in college. I'm here for you Megan!